Reverend Bobbins speaks to the nation


I present another guest post on the tribulations afflicting YesCymru. Though you mustn’t think that I’ve derived pleasure from reporting on those tribulations, far from it.

Though the way I see it, the threat from an ill-starred and unlikely assemblage of entryists, chancers, and downright odd-balls, was confronted, and defeated. So we can all laugh about it now.

But let’s remember that we humans are all different, and that is true diversity. It doesn’t need to be labelled and imposed by diktat. Diversity just needs to be quietly and generously accepted. For labelling human beings almost always ends badly, because it’s invariably done to promote extreme forms of politics.

As we have so recently seen in YesCymru.

Now read on and have a bit of a laugh.

BBC Wales: Transcript of our interview with the Reverend Bilbo Bobbins

Roderick ap Fechan (for it is he): Good afternoon Reverend Bobbins, and thank you so much for inviting me to the manse after what has been a very stormy time for your church.

BB: Indeed, but things have been a little quieter of late, and I feel that in a very real sense it is now time for me to speak out and set the record straight.

Before our interview could proceed a large housekeeper with very hairy legs, a beard and a floral dress entered bearing a tray laden with Welsh cakes and a pot of PG Tips.

BB: Ah, Mrs Boyle. Thank you, thank you. You know it’s hard to believe it Mr ap Fechan, but until a few months ago Mrs Boyle was a loose head prop with hopes of making it into the Ospreys, but then she read an article on non-binary fashion by one of our Deacons, and the rest, as they say is history.

You can put the tray down here, Mrs Boyle.

Mrs Boyle: Feck off.

BB: Thank you Mrs Boyle, you little minx. Now, Mr ap Fechan, where were we?

ap Fechan: How do you respond, Reverend Bobbins, to claims that your church was taken over by a group of extreme left wing fanatics at the annual picnic in May?

BB: There is not a scintilla of truth in this, and Comrade Guacamole has given me assurances to that effect. In fact he introduced me to an interesting gentleman known as Honest Bob who told me that the list of candidates he put forward represented a range of perfectly innocent cultural groups, and it was in that spirit that I for one welcome members of the Welshpool Trotskyite Crochet Circle, the Maesteg Marxist Doglovers Association and the Swansea Revolutionary Sadomasochistic Front.

As I understand it, only Comrade Guacamole himself is an active member of a political party.

ap Fechan: One of the deacons, Ms Moonbeam Molotov, said on Twitter that she wanted to burn the church to the ground. How do you reconcile this threat with her membership of your ruling body?

This image is used for purely illustrative purposes, to show people what dynamite looks like. Like. Click to open in separate tab

BB: Another complete misunderstanding. When I asked Ms Molotov about the cans of petrol she was storing in the church and the boxes labelled TNT in the vestry, she explained that the petrol was for the church minibus and that the large sticks of what looked like dynamite were in fact just fireworks bought in preparation for our annual Guy Fawkes celebration.

ap Fechan: There have also been allegations that a large sum was transferred from church funds to an account belonging to a member of the Welshpool Trotskyite Crochet Circle to finance a planned film featuring ‘marginalised talent’. How do you respond to that?

BB: Comrade Guacamole told me that he had received assurances from the young lady concerned that the money was merely resting in her account, and I think we can put that matter to bed, don’t you?

ap Fechan: Reverend Bobbins, there have been multiple complaints of bullying and harassment of the membership. What do you have to say about that?

BB: I was shocked to learn from the deacons after the annual picnic that our church was no longer a safe space for true believers, and that we had been infiltrated by heretics they called “terfs” and “fashies”. That was why Comrade Guacamole, Ms Gwenda Whiplash, Moonbeam Molotov and the others worked tirelessly to produce a three step procedure for unmasking the heretics.

To my astonishment they revealed that one former deacon and one newly elected deacon were in fact witches, and Ms Molotov and Ms Whiplash set about preparing to have them burned at the stake in the church grounds.

I felt this was unwise in view of the large quantities of petrol and fireworks Ms Molotov had stored on the premises, and so the sentence was commuted to excommunication and eternal damnation, which I felt was more compliant with health and safety regulations.

So, far from being divisive, I came to see that Comrade Guacamole, or Y Mab Darogan as I sometimes call him, and his followers had been sent to restore harmony to our congregation. Indeed, as Honest Bob said to me, “Oi, vicar, don’t you think that Comrade Guacamole, with his flowing beard and sandals, may have been sent to live among us sinners once before?”

ap Fechan: Bringing things up to date, Reverend Bobbins, the Daily Wales is reporting that a formal complaint has been made to S4C about a satirical video featuring a man called DJ Bry. Would you care to comment about this?

BB: I am enormously grateful to Mr Huw Janus, the proprietor of that esteemed organ, for the support he has given to our deacons who regrettably recently resigned en masse. As Mr Janus himself said the other evening, satire is all very well, but the references to social services and revenge porn were extremely upsetting.

Gwenda Whiplash, and I am reminded of Mary Magdalene here, has done a great deal of vital missionary work, and as her OnlyFans page says, at very competitive rates.

This image is, again, used for purely illustrative purposes. Click to open in separate tab

ap Fechan: And finally, Reverend Bobbins, how do you see the future for the church?

BB: It was with a heavy heart that I stepped down from my duties, but in a very real sense we are all to blame, are we not? Perhaps some members have been a little too enthusiastic on Twitter, but I am confident that we can rebuild, and Honest Bob has put me in touch with what he tells me is a very reliable firm of builders who will restore the smouldering ruins of the vestry to their former glory.

ap Fechan: Thank you, your grace.

♦ end ♦


10 thoughts on “Reverend Bobbins speaks to the nation

  1. Dafis

    A million miles off topic but much closer to my heart – so good to see that tweet featuring Cliff Jones who played a key role in making Jimmy Greaves great at Spurs in the early 60’s. I can vaguely recall Greaves coming back after a short stint in Milan or Turin, scoring goals but otherwise wasn’t much joy for him and slotting in to that Spurs machine that had just won the 60-61 Double where Cliff was a well established and critical cog with guys like Mackay, Blanchflower, White, Smith and other greats. Medwin was in and out along with Mel Hopkins, but those were the days that despite all the hard tackling and heavy wet leather balls a club would get through a league season with less than 20 players. Now it takes a jumbo jet to shift a squad around ! I read of Les Allen thinking there was no room for him when Greaves arrived, now they’d have about 7 or 8 hanging about for places in match day squad !

    1. Dafis

      .. and, as if proof was ever needed we now have a series of disclosures about the shifty dealings by Carlo ( you know, the guy made famous by a Daf Iwan song) and his entitled entourage which mark him out as unfit to clean the boots of guys like Greavesie and Cliff who were real sporting nobility. Carlo and his bunch of cnuts do nothing other than grab loot from wherever they can get it, make token gestures in return, and sponge off the country without the slightest pang of conscience. And people still queue to wave at this piece of shit. Is there any hope for some clarity of vision among the loyalist herd here and elsewhere in this divided UK ?

  2. Dafis

    just seen your tweet about the latest SNP bungle and “now looking tired and gaffe prone”. Jac they been looking like that for ages ever since they started drifting off to their obsession with gays, trans and any other identity fixation that very few people place high in their priorities. They are so out of tune that I find it hard to believe the electorate have any faith in them . Obviously there are some MSP’s who do a 1st class job to retain credibility but Sturgeon and her inner circle are now turning into a bunch of duds.

    1. Dafis

      I meant to go on to say that we had a good snapshot of that monumental mess when the pirates took over the good ship Yes Cymru. They may have dived over the side by now but that ship is damaged below the water line and will struggle to recover. The damage done to Scottish ambitions remains to be seen.

      Despite strong opinion polls I have an awful feeling that the real crunch will come at Indy-ref time when people who are otherwise supportive will see the prospect of a new “sectarianism” based on ridiculous gender ideology as too rich to stomach and will baulk, enabling the Union to survive.

      1. If I was the London government I suppose would play up the SNP’s position on ‘trans rights’. Though it won’t be as effective as it might once have been. For two reasons.

        First, Boris and his gang are very unpopular in Scotland; to the point where no matter what they say it will be rejected by most voters.

        Second, it’s no longer just the SNP (and the Greens) pushing independence. The emergence of Alba has provided a very useful counter-balance that can tell people, ‘Independence doesn’t have to be what the SNP wants’.

        And here’s the lesson for Wales. If the only vision of independence being offered was that from Stalin worshippers who believe women have penises then independence was fucked. There have to be alternative visions.

        It’s the potential they posed to damage the indy movement that guarantees there will always be suspicions that there was some guiding hand behind the YC takeover. It will be interesting to see how they proceed now that they are no longer part of YC. And how much publicity they get.

        1. Candy

          Honestly, who are you people? What does Welsh independence have to do with trans people like myself? My girlfriend, she does indeed have a penis, and undoubtedly is a woman. The bloke who works at the chippy can see that without needing any help – in other words, she passes.

          Is he a satanist too?

          Quietly accepting diversity in the comments section, are we?

          I’m sorry to say that the points the author feels are self evident are not evident to me at all. This is a beautiful example of what someone might do when they have nothing but ad hominem arguments, and it doesn’t hold water.

          Mrs Boyle can wear what she likes, I’m sure. What is the obsession with the straw (person?) you’re trying to paint here? As an attempt at humour it falls short for a trans person because, honestly, it shows so little understanding of what any of the people you’re ridiculing are actually like, or what they have to say.

          There’s actual politics to get on with you know? We don’t want to waste everyone’s time with this, we’re looking for equal human rights (yes I mean that. To freely marry in our lived genders for instance) and to get on with preventing the world burning. But we can’t get very far because people like you who really could know better, are determined to speak false words for us, and slow us down.

          It’s not new and the reason this has changed so much, that you can feel threatened by these fae fruitloops, is due to acceptance of diversity which was hard fought for, and not quietly.

          I’m not looking to change anyone’s mind here, I don’t need to, this outlook is coming through a fun-house mirror and I don’t expect anyone to imagine I can think straight enough to have a point to make about my own lived experiences, by Inverted virtue of being one of these degenerates, I am no longer felt to have the ability to speak for myself, so how wonderful that you’ve stepped in to give ‘my people’ a voice here. You’re clearly deeply informed about these matters.

          1. ‘It’s not new and the reason this has changed so much, that you can feel threatened by these fae (sic) fruitloops, is due to acceptance of diversity which was hard fought for, and not quietly.’

            Yes, you’re right, there is a greater acceptance of diversity. I’m old enough to appreciate that more than you. But there are reasons for the fightback against the extremists of the trans movement, which you must be well aware of.

            To begin with, many of those involved are unhinged exhibitionists demanding attention. Then, when they get attention, they claim to feel ‘threatened’. They always feel threatened, because that’s another way of getting the attention they crave.

            Then there’s the fact that an overwhelming majority of people believe that a person with a penis and testicles is a man, and should not be allowed into spaces reserved for biological women and girls.

            Perhaps you can explain why biological men who identify as women are put in female prisons but biological women who identify as men are never incarcerated in men’s prisons. A puzzler, that.

            After surgery, a trans woman could probably be allowed in women’s spaces. But the advantages of male puberty mean that no trans woman should be allowed in women’s sport.

            The overwhelming majority of sensible, rational people do not believe that 12-year-olds should be allowed to make life-changing choices because they feel a bit different at that moment, or because they’ve had a row with their parents.

            Finally, for me, there is the obvious fact that since losing the (white) working class the far left, intent on undermining the West I will fight for, has weaponised climate, race and gender.

            1. Transgender fundamentalism is antagonistic to both science and religion because it contradicts the established truths of both, established historically by an authoritative majority.
              If the debate starts with that as a clear and universally accepted fact, then we can talk.
              If, however, science and religion is now being positioned as wrong or mistaken on gender, then I can’t see how we can. Why haven’t scientists and religious leaders admitted that they got it wrong and there never was a male and a female?
              I understand how people can be non-binary as an emotional or psychological condition which does not need to be psychopathologised and is a personal choice.
              Full physical transformation, however, is an illusion we enable others to live out of human kindness and compassion from one to another.
              You must never force everyone to do so by law, however, with draconian threats because then you would be punishing people for speaking clear and universally accepted fact established historically by an authoritative majority.

  3. The script is quite amateur, rather like the style (but not in content) of a Young Farmers’ Club Noson Lawen in Outer Maesteg. It gets more real when Lassie comes on stage with a sloppy tongue salivating over Transgender Sheep. This shower of weirdos are now joyfully fully finished, but in their short Trans Taliban fashion they ruined ‘YesCymru’. I say Taliban as both dislike giving equal status to real females – or in fact anyone with real knickers and no jock strap.

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